**cakewalk

i want to come out to some high school friends this summer here im going to bullet list this

• i want to hang out with them and it’s usually more fun to be around people when im getting gendered correctly
• i could actually introduce cool hs people to my other friends
• but i dont want to accidentally get outed
• or like make it harder to be stealth in the future because more people know and i definitely don’t want people in a few years to know i’m trans and ESPECIALLY dont want people to spread my birthname around, you know
• also every time im just about to tell them i chicken out
• even though i’m not exactly good at being a girl so i also think they might not even be surprised when i tell them
• its still really scary whoops

i think i need a new binder by the fall or so, mine are either fraying or stretching more than im comfortable with. i kind of want to get one that zips because i’ve been having more issues with binding too long or experiencing chest pain recently and being able to lighten up on it might helpbut i don’t have the money. i might see if my dad would help pay for one.

this morning when i didnt want to get out of bed my mom called me princess and then awkwardly corrected herself to prince　

once in a while i’ll be in a public bathroom and i’ll remember that my genitals could literally get me in trouble or danger if someone walked in on me or something. that’s so weird!!!

i didnt think a lot about names when i was figuring out my gender even though i wanted a guy name to be called but for a long time i’ve been like, fuck it, whatever, as long as it’s unambiguously male.

i chose arthur because my nickname had been arty online for years and it was a convenient full name, and james because it’s my brother’s middle name and the name of my grandfather (since my middle initial was already j and my sister and i had matching middle names, it seemed fitting)

but now that i’m contemplating legal name change being a thing that’ll actually happen, i’m considering all these cool names or names that are meaningful to me. i don’t know if i’d go by another first name at this point but maybe! i certainly might end up having five middle names after all and just bring it up occasionally as a conversation starter.

sigh i should get around to coming out to my younger brother but i do want to wait for t for that because i’m insecure haha. it’d be nice to switch name and pronouns with everyone in my life but it’s such a hassle. i wish my mom realized that my gender is serious business

ok im making firm statements to solidify my resolve. im going to change my name mid-june. i am gonna do that. i am also gonna pursue hrt through the borum and if i am not on testosterone by the time i change my name i am gonna find an endocrinologist who will prescribe it to me on informed consent and i will get it that way. i dont think itll magically change my life to be medically transitioning but i think itd be nice to alleviate just a little of that angst

timaeustestified:

i’ve reached the point where i’ll be looking at pictures or video of cis guys and i’ll suddenly go “wow, his chest looks great, i wonder who his surgeon was, you can’t even see the scars anymore”

cis guys don’t usually get top surgery, me　

theres no need to react to someone asking if im a boy or girl yall….i know not everyone follows me on this blog too (not NEARLY everyone) but honestly like it makes me more uncomfortable for that question to get 15 notes of joking and horsing around about ignorance than to just let it be. i see it a lot on my friends’ blogs, friends who are a lot more out or trans-identified, and i feel like that reaction’s disproportionate. i don’t like having attention called to my gender identity. it actually makes me feel a little less safe to have people around me indicating clearly that i am Trans Person, especially in a joking manner. also i don’t really need the reassurance or reaffirmation here. i appreciate the mob support but yeah, if i weren’t in a comfortable place i wouldn’t answer the question at all probably.

i don’t even think i put pronouns on my profile like a lot of people, and it’s probably not because they saw a picture of me or something. seriously it’s no big i dont even get bothered.

yes mom yell my birthname across stores some more i love the experience of being around you